Before The Mask
by Potential Schizophrenic
Summary: What was Near like before his mask of emotionlessness? Things happened in his childhood, bad things....and it made him the blank, expressionless boy who then became the next L.


**This is a weird oneshot that has essentially nothing to do with my current sequence of one shots. If you're reading them, and are wondering why Near went crazy and ran from Mello, this is sort of why I guess....**

**Warning: Death, Threatening, etc...**

**Disclaimer: i own nothing**

**Enjoy!**

Near left Wammy's House an entirely different child to what he had been on his arrival. He had arrived aged six, left there by his parents who knew nothing of the orphanage's purpose, only that they could leave their son there and never have to deal with him again. Near had been a difficult child, see. The worst of the worst.

He'd been excluded from his school for acting violent to the staff and other children. Many of his relatives had refused to have anything to do with him because he was always so _angry._ And one day, his parents had had enough.

He'd been provoked or made angry by something, and had grabbed a knife and threatened to kill his baby sister, but instead had severely maimed himself. His blood had spilled across the nursery and he was still screaming curses and threats at his parents. His terrified mother had fled, and his father had almost called the police, but Near had gotten himself so worked up, he exhausted himself, and he collapsed. His father had wasted no time in throwing him in the back of the car and driving him as far away from his family as he could, for their own safety. They reached Winchester just as the sun set, and a now awake Near had been dragged from the car, kicking and screaming, to the door of Wammy's House. As his father drove off as fast as he could, Near was still screaming profanities down the empty highway, angry tears streaming down his cheeks. Eventually, someone inside the building had had enough of the racket, and dragged Near inside. That person was a nine-year-old boy who introduced himself as Mello.

Why did Near change so drastically? The orphanage discovered his academic potential, and allowed nobody to provoke him, and he made a lot of progress. He became a normal child, and only had some aggressive tendencies when competition was involved. He had a few friends, good grades, and an overall healthy existence. What happened next was what made him what we see today.

His mother arrived at the orphanage about three months later, intent on finding her son. She said she loved him, no matter what, and there was counselling he could undertake to help him, and nobody would hurt or punish him. He would have believed her, but if it were true, surely his father would be there? He didn't reply, and stepped into his mother's embrace. They were able to talk quite uninterruptedly for a time, and his mother marvelled at the progress he'd made, congratulating Roger and the strange boy who looked to be only a teenager, but seemed to run the orphanage as well. Near smiled, the first time in years his mother had seen him do so. She smiled too.

And that's when things went wrong. Looking back, Near thought that his mother and father must of argued for all the months he'd been gone on the matter, but he couldn't turn back time and warn her not to defy him. His father had raged in, shouting at her to stay away from him. Near had been frightened when his father produced a gun. What use did he have for a gun? Why had he brought one here? The answer became clear when he had pointed it at his son. His mother had screamed, begged him no, this was his son, and what was he doing? And Near discovered that his anger could be a brain condition he'd inherited from his father. A thing that, in extreme cases, could get people locked up. The man kept shouting at his wife to move, but she refused, keeping her arms wrapped around her little boy and sobbing into his white curls. The man lost patience. He shot his wife directly in the back, level with where her heart was. With no screams, but a light gasp, she died with her arms still around her son. He screamed, he sobbed with all his heart, but his father cut his grieving short.

The man yanked the child to his feet and told him that he'd killed his mother. Near screamed no, but his father wouldn't take it. It was Near's fault, all Near's, and if he'd never been born, his mother wouldn't have been killed. It made Near angry. He lashed out at his father, successfully dislodging the gun, but his father struck him back and he flew into the wall. He continued to strike the boy, and soon the doorway was filled with people who had heard the gun. The boy Mello almost went to Near's aid, but had run when the gun pointed at him. Near cried out, begging Mello to come back, only he never did. That's why Near never forgave him. The children ran, and Roger, an old man, and the boy with black hair remained, trying to convince Near's father to put the gun away. He refused, and pointed the gun back at his son.

With one last burst of rage, adrenaline, and supreme strength, with a gasp from the three at the door, Near grabbed the leg of a small coffee table beside him and swung for his father's head. He expected it to have little effect, but his father dropped to the ground. The gun came out of his hand, and Near ran for the door. He clung to the first person he reached. The black haired boy lifted the shaking, sobbing figure, and carried him to his room, where he remained with him until the nightmares and sobs subsided.

Three days later, Near was still clinging to the boy's side. His father had been rushed to hospital under police escort, and now Watari and Roger had to talk to Near. The child had made the teenager go with him by refusing to release his hand, and now sat unusually silently to await what was to be said.

"Near…I regret to say, your father is dead. The head wound he was dealt killed him."

It didn't sink in at first. Near was entirely mute, sitting staring at the floor. And then...he gasped. He had _killed_ a man. His father…he had killed his father! No…it wasn't possible…Near began to hyperventilate, sobbing. The black-haired teen shouted to Watari that he was having a panic attack, and Near blacked out.

When Near was able to function as a person again, he cut himself off from as many people as he could. He shut himself away with his toys and his studies, and made a vow to never become angry again. Roger and Watari had cleared it with the police, as witnesses, that Near had attacked in self-defence, but Near had still killed him. He still had that on his conscience. From that day, he wore nothing but white. The colour symbolised purity, right? Well now it could symbolise that Near would be pure from now on. He'd never let his emotions govern him again. And he never did, but for when he was haunted by nightmares about his past and his future.

Also, from that day, L kept his emotions in check too. Out of sympathy for Near. He never let his mask slip either.

**Its alright, even if I do say so myself. R&R, please! I will love you foreverrr!**

**People following my one shot sequence, Near had a dream about his dad saying that Mello would leave him like he did the day he killed him.**


End file.
